Today, I was working until 6:00 in the morning. I had a project that had to be submitted by the end of this week, so I had to revise it. Lately, I have not been able to study English or French. I blame myself for not being able to do so, even though I used to study well every day. And my mentality is weakening.

Yesterday, too, I couldn’t stay awake all day and ended up going to bed right after eating lunch. So when I woke up, I felt shocked again. Ah, I’ve wasted the whole day. And my mentality weakens again.

Of course, I can think that it is okay to have days like that. But I cherish each day and want to live my life to the point where I wouldn’t mind dying tomorrow, so if I waste even one day, I feel sick like that.

Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because I’m so worried. It’s not uncommon

Then I get up, hungry, and go to the supermarket for pilaf and some Imerurian khachapuri. Very tasty. Apparently, there are three types of khachapuri: ajarlian khachapuri, meglurian khachapuri, and imerian hachapuri. I love the Ajjalurian khachapuri, which has an egg in the center. The Meglurian khachapuri is like a pizza with cheese on the outside and inside, while the Imerian khachapuri seems to be a khachapuri with cheese only on the inside. I love the Ajjalurian khachapuri, which probably has an egg on top.

And so, I finish my work until morning. I had another project to create a banner, but I’m not very good at designing something that a person in his/her 40s would want to see and buy. I’m really good at simple international design, so I’m not very good at Japanese cluttered LPs and banners. So I made one and submitted it, but I got a super bad rejection.

But of course, this was an ordeal, and it was worth it. I am very happy to have had this experience on my first time to live abroad by myself. Really, really. It’s teaching me that it’s not easy. But I can definitely adapt and enjoy it. This is just an ordeal and a process.

I can’t afford it, but this is temporary, this is a challenge for me, this is a tribulation

There is no room for me now. So I naturally act like I can’t afford it, which makes me lose confidence and become even more disheartened. Days like that continue. Of course, this is not always the case, but I really feel the difficulty of living abroad alone and without friends. I wish I could make friends, even if it is just one person, but I wonder how difficult it would be.

Today, after waking up and finishing one meeting, I decided to go to the bank to pick up the bank card I made yesterday. I walked to the bank. It was getting a little cold outside, but I was very happy to walk. When I arrived at the bank, I found the same guy from yesterday. He was dealing with someone else. I was told yesterday, I believe, that once my bank card was completed, I wouldn’t have to wait and could go through the process right away, so I thought that was the case, but I had to wait with a number tag.

And also I got distracted by the news of Kanye West announcing his candidacy for president and missed the moment when one customer left and the next one arrived. So I waited a little longer, and finally, when that customer was gone, I spoke to him.

Then, I asked him to process my request for a bank card. I was told that the lady at the reception desk would be in charge of the process, so I showed her a copy of my passport and my mobile bank account and asked her to set it up for me. However, since there were so many customers, she was either very busy or in a hurry.

The cause is all in me. Not the other party

I feel like people aren’t very nice to me. But wait. Before you say that, am I smiling? No, no. I’m talking to her in a very serious way. So I wonder if that’s how she’s responding. I think I need to smile more. But I don’t have the time to do so. I have a strong desire to “act like a foreigner in Europe and never be like the Japanese who are always goofing off,” and “have a strong axis and live with firm conviction,” and that energy makes me look at her very seriously. Perhaps I don’t have the fixed mental right now.

And so there have been all kinds of troubles. Of all things, I forgot to bring my passport today, so I presented a copy of my mobile passport. Then I got a card, but how do I pay the 60 lari. So I asked him to show me how to pay. I thought the PIN code of the debit card I got yesterday was the same as the PIN code of the actual card I got today, but when I entered the PIN code several times, I got an error and could not use the card. So I asked him to manage about this problem and I was finally able to deposit the money in the bank. Then, as a matter of concern, I had to deposit 50 lari and 50 dollars first, which I will be able to use after “a month”.

Living Abroad

That’s what they told me, but I’m going to Latvia within a month and I can’t use that money. Given that, I don’t want to deposit that money. I told him that I could not use that money. Then, he said that there was no need to deposit the money, which made me feel very relieved. I then asked him if I could have a receipt for the bank registration fee, as I would like to use it as an expense. I asked him, and he said that I would receive that information in my mobile tomorrow, and that would be fine. Now my worries are complete. Up to this point, I was really tired. I used a lot of energy.

But I felt that this is what it is like to live abroad. I had to do everything by myself. When I was studying in Russia, the university took care of everything, including airline ticket reservations and communication with the friend university, which was really reassuring, but it was not as good as other international students. I was really reassured, but I was inferior to other international students, because everyone else was doing everything by themselves. So when I think about what I am going through now, I feel that it is a very good experience. This is what training is all about.

Of course, there are fun things about being in Georgia, but there seems to be more pain, loneliness, and suffering. My mentality is definitely more negative than when I was at home in Japan, in a good way. But this is what gives you enormous energy and recoil later on. So I think it is very valuable to do this training. I am growing now. I’m putting myself in an environment where I have to do things, and I’m actually having those experiences, and that’s what this is all about.

Go to a famous ice cream store and eat wine-flavored ice cream

Then I went to a nearby ice cream store. I ordered two ice creams, which were 9 lali. That was quite expensive. But I guess it was OK. I tried to use my Georgia Bank card for the payment, and it worked, so I was able to confirm that I could use my card. That was good. The clerk was not very nice. But that was my fault. If I went there with a rambling smile on my face, I would never feel bad. It was my fault. I can change what I can change. I can’t change people, but I can change myself. I can change others by doing so after all.

With these thoughts in mind, I am sitting outside on the terrace with a cup of red wine-flavored ice cream that keeps melting and a cup of vanilla-style ice cream with chocolate chips on my right side, writing away. Listening to The Greatest by Lana Del Rey. Nearby, there are families, aunts and uncles, young people, people of all colors. I guess they all have families. I was thinking how nice it is.

I have a family, but when I talk about my feelings, they just say, “Oh, that’s tough, do your best.” so I don’t want to talk about it. I want to talk more about the essence of it.

Khachapuri from the bakery at night. This is not very tasty.