Today is move-in day again. I get up in the morning and take a shower. The avocado oil I bought yesterday is really good. It smells really good, takes care of my dry hair, and I really like it. Then I get my stuff ready. I wonder if I got a lot of sleep today.

Recently, there has been a series of heavy rains. It has been really bad. It’s raining so hard today that it looks like I won’t be able to call bike taxi to come.

I was sitting in the lobby trying to find out the address of today’s hostel before checking out. Then two English-speaking girls, probably Australian, came over to the same couch as me and said, “Can I sit here?”. I was so self-conscious that I couldn’t even say “Where are you from?” This is a really big opportunity, and it is easy to make up a reason to talk to them. But I was too preoccupied with it all and couldn’t talk to them. I felt very sad. I missed another chance. If I had talked to them, I could have made friends with them. They came all the way to where I was sitting.

But I was busy checking out. My brain was apparently out of space. I guess my brain didn’t have enough space.

Moved hostel to McDonald’s in the rain

I had to take a cab today because it was the first time it had rained so much in a row since I arrived in Bali. I called a cab and headed for McDonalds.

McDonald’s was surprisingly expensive. A McFlurry and an L-set cost 700 yen. It was a little cheaper than in Japan, but I felt it was really expensive because I was in a tourist area.

After that, I stayed at McDonald’s for about 5 hours and did some work there. At the same time, I decided to update my diary from when I was in Kota Kinabalu after a long time.

Check in to the hostel and have dinner

Today’s hostel is another interesting place, as it is a homestay. It was not a clean place, but very inexpensive. After checking in safely, I was shown around my bed and some facility. The bed was on the first floor. It was nice. But at the same time, I felt it was very difficult to make friends cause the room is too huge.

When you have more than 10 beds in a room, you feel like you don’t have personal space. But that’s okay. I don’t have to force myself to talk to them, and the more I feel like I have to talk to them, the more I feel confined. So you just have to treat them normally. I know that because of my past trauma, I look at them with those colored glasses. But not everyone is like that, and I should be patient.

Go to a famous cafe in Indonesia

After that, I headed to Canvas cafe. I heard that the cafe is run by a former designer of Bvlgari or someone like that, and that it looks really good. I looked it up on the Internet and found it, so I decided to go there.
So I ordered a beef bowl-like dish and a cup of tea. The waitresses at the restaurant were all very nice, and I really felt comfortable there.

After all, the chef is amazing and the food tastes superb

When we interact with people, we behave differently depending on “colored glasses we have experienced in the past” and “current emotional situation”. So, I want to control these two somehow. I think this is a big challenge for me right now.

I have achieved the fact that I came abroad alone. At first, I was only anxious. I was not at the level of making friends with people or anything like that. Until now, I had come abroad with someone, but the moment I came alone, I had so many anxieties. But now that anxiety has been resolved, and I can go into restaurants alone. And I can even stay in hostels without any problems. That’s enough growth.

Lychee nuts in this tea? The best of the best

Okay, so now the question is, “How do I get the courage to take the first step to make friends when I am alone in a foreign country?” This is my biggest challenge. I feel as if I have received a message from another me that if I can accomplish this, I will meet absolutely wonderful people. That’s how I feel.

I am sure that in a year’s time, I hope that this problem will be solved. If you want to have regrets, rather be brave and do your best. I can do it. Little by little. Even if you can’t do it, don’t beat yourself up. On the contrary, praise yourself. This will create space in your heart, and you will be able to make room for it. There, you will be filled with energy to change, and you will be able to use this energy for changing yourself.

At the café, I was working and all my tasks were done

I made 43,000 yen in one day. That’s good, that’s good. Keep it up. After arriving at the hostel, I decided to take a shower. The hostel was a big place, about 20 people in one room, with beds along one long hallway. I picked up one of the girls’ iPhone, which had spontaneously fallen out of the room, and she gave me a hard slap on the hand. I felt as if she said like, “That’s disgusting. Don’t touch me, Chinese.” Of course, I can’t be sure because I have colored glasses, but that’s what I felt from her face expression. Once again, I think that people who are racist are terrible.
But I guess the extreme is “like or not”. She was speaking English with specific accent, so I am sure she is Australian. I don’t know, but it was really unpleasant. Because of this trauma, it is difficult for me to have the courage to talk to them. I think it’s very painful.

In the evening, I called my best friend who is in Japan for the first time in a long time. Cute dog sleeping near the reception of the hostel.